the DINOSAURS are BACK and this time they’re TAKING BACK WHAT’S THEIRS by spiking your cigarettes with ETERNIUM CRYSTALS that will turn PEOPLE into BULLETS and your ONLY HOPE is to use YOUR FALLEN COMRADES to lead a DARING ASSAULT on the FEDERAL RESERVE, home of the WHOPPER but unless you’ve partaken of the GRITS of ENLIGHTENMENT as anointed by RONALD REAGAN, ANDREW JACKSON, LEE HARVEY OSWALD and NOLAN BUSHNELL, the OMEGA TRINITY who ONLY SPEAK IN RHYME, you may find that you lack the ULTIMATE CUBE-KEY to unlock the KEY-CUBE. BEWARE! what awaits you will be SO BRIGHT your THIRD EYE will need SHADES.
your power is HUMAN INGENUITY, the only thing the REPTILIAN MENACE lacks. combine OBJECTS IN YOUR SURROUNDINGS with the BINDINGS OF NAZARETH by way of DUCT TAPE to form NEW WEAPONS OF WAR. seek the CHOSEN ONE who might INITIATE PROJECT XENON PARAGON, and master the SECRET ART of TEARING ANIMALS IN HALF. should you combine GUMMI WORMS and FOUR-LOKO, you will find yourself with the ELIXIR, and you might embark on a VISION QUEST to meet your SPIRIT ANIMAL, CHGKNOLAK, THE BEAR’S PAW. you might VENTURE to the INFINITE PLANE OF SCREAMING SKULLS and drink from the WATERSLIDE OF LIFE, or SEEK GLORY in the CORPORAPLEX, where the WARRIORS OF OLD did battle with OFFICE SUPPLIES.
DO NOT FORGET THE PROPHECY OF THE McDLT! THE HOT SHALL STAY HOT! THE COOL SHALL STAY COOL!