"Actually I just do mathematics in my free time. My real passion since college has been professional golphography. We hand-craft artisan golf balls for celebrities, politicians, the cartels, rich executives and so forth. Not for professional golfers, mind you - Tiger Woods hits 800 golf balls before lunch, so if he's not buying in bulk from some little Chinese boy pressing dimples into hot polyethylene, he's in the red. We get called in for charity tournaments and country club openings, times when you can spare a few grand to make a good impression. Hm?" [unintelligible] "Ten to forty thousand depending on size and effects. Most of that's just for materials. We source our white silica from a family of miners in the Congo, they dig it up and we send some Kalashnikovs their way for the trouble. We don't actually chemically treat our silica, it goes straight into the oven, and when it's all melted we dump the molten ceramic into a great big fish tank full of cold spring water. The outside of the molten drop hardens instantly into a spherical shell, but the core is still molten, and the cold shell contracts and the giffle is - sorry, that’s an industry term for an un-dimpled golf ball - the giffle is under tremendous pressure both from inside and throughout, which makes it incredibly structurally sound, so you end up with a ball that hits with phenomenal elasticity and vigor. There's nothing else like it, you simply can't get the same effect out of plastics. And of course the core is extremely hot and is now spinning incredibly fast inside the giffle, and it generates a very weak magnetic field, so we suspend it in midair with rare earth magnets." [unintelligible] "Uh, it’s mostly a question of contamination. If a speck of dust lands on the outer mantle there's the danger that it could tip the core equilibrium enough to pose a safety hazard. We sell those at a discount on SkyMall. So once the giffle is trapped in the magnetic field, we use a very special dimpling tool to basically chisel out each dimple. It looks kind of like a very tiny pickaxe, but with toothbrush bristles all over the pick end. Most big-name manufacturers use laser-dimpling now, but there’s a certain level of quality and precision you can only get with a hand dimpler. Regulation balls use 357 equidistant dimples with a 3:5 depth to radius ratio, but we use different dimplings to produce whatever effect is specified by the client. Corkscrew balls are a crowd pleaser. We've been selling a lot of boomerang balls lately, you can hit it from any angle and it comes right back to the tee. We made one very unique ball not too long ago for a Saudi prince's birthday; when hit, the ball's path spelled out the sheikh's name in Arabic. That one took some head scratching to pull off. The Japanese are actually catching up to us, though - they've got a ball that turns itself inside out when you hit it, and flies the exact opposite direction you strike it from. We still haven't figured that one out but we're pretty sure they've got a microchip in it."